end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
