your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
