Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
