I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
