This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
