So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
