So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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