What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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