She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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