This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
