everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
