i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
