She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
