I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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