Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
