just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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