You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
