no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
