He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
