Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
