He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
