I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
