As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
