Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
