There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
