i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
