it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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