i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
