It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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