tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Holy shit dude........stairs
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
