Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
