I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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