It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
