stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
