if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
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