He disabled his match.com account in front of me
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you didnt know i had herpes?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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