Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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