My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
