The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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