Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
