Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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