I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
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