I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
