I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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