Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
