My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Pants are for mortals
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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