Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
