last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
