you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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