I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
