Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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